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I think counseling is worth a shot, but my best advice is follow your gut, if this behavior ‘rubs you the wrong way’ that’s because it’s not OK with you, and you should stand up for what you believe in and what makes you feel good about yourself and your marriage. That your marriage needs to come before roll playing. I hope your husband knows not every woman would be so kind. It’s the equivalent of flirting with a co-worker (which I hope he wouldn’t do in front of you).
Life is hard and sometimes that means walking away from a situation or a person to better yourself but make sure you prepare yourself for the roller coaster of emotions that will follow- subsequently, from change. I typically don’t call this kind of behavior ‘cheating’ per se, but if you’re uncomfortable with it, he should do his best to understand your feelings and make some changes even if he feels that he’s not doing anything wrong. If he’s hiding it, he doesn’t think it’s right, and it probably isn’t.
I’m not saying divorce the guy, that’s not my place and I don’t want to sound judgmental or opinionated. People only hide things they know are wrong or would upset the other person. Tell him flat out that you’re uncomfortable with it and it needs to stop. Confront him again asking him if he would be ok with you doing the same, perhaps in the same chatline and see how he reacts.
But, I am concerned because it sounds like you are offering him more compassion and understanding than he is reciprocating to you. Tell him that if he does it behind your back after you’ve told him you are uncomfortable with it will kill your trust in him. If it is OK with him, then I think your marriage is in serious trouble. So glad you guys are back 🙂 I think you are being very accepting and non-judgmental here – that’s great – it sets you guys up for some very open & honest discussion. My gauge for this is simple — would he let you watch him do it. He shuts it down every time you walk into the room.
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