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Second-guessing everything I say, trying not to fidget, and working on overdrive to figure you out. Here's a peek at my first date fears and hang-ups and what you can do to put me at ease. I often find myself in the following situation: I'm sitting across from a guy, having a great time, enjoying the company. Except, I can't stop wondering whether he thinks I'm a potential girlfriend or just a girl friend. Regardless, when a guy won't look at me straight on, I feel like my eyes are emitting death-rays. I once went out on a first date with a man who showed up with his shirt on inside-out. After this occurred a third time, I finally asked him (completely sincerely) whether this was a fashion statement (after all, I kid you not, he did work in fashion). That being said, I would not recommend skipping the fly check before you go out. More important than what you say is the meta-data I'm filtering while we're out. I'm looking for signs that the person you are projecting is The Real You. If you're giving me the song-and-dance, I'm going to totally be on to you. Do you have any idea how much thought and deliberation I've put into my half of the check dance? Then, when I suggest that we get the bill, you can just say, all suave-like, "It's already taken care of." Wow. Do us both a favor and give me an opening I can work with. On the other hand, if you're really excited about me, just tell me.
Starting out with just coffee or a drink is a great way to avoid culinary snafus as well. Unless your date is a super-bitch, a little wardrobe malfunction is not going to make or break you. I admit, sometimes I even want to take you home on the first date, but I'm really embarrassed to ask. If you don't think we're a good fit, you don't have to be rude about it, but don't go making promises to call me, either.
Asking about my food preferences before you plan our first date does so much to minimize surprises. I've spent many an evening wondering how you've managed to go all day with that tag stuck on your pants, your buttons not aligned, and mismatched socks.
You do have to literally say to the spoiler, “Well hello old ‘friend’…. Try a Feelings Diary and monitor how you feel and what else is happening during these times for a week or so.
There may be other factors contributing such as work stress or even boredom.
more No one likes to be judged, but on first dates we’re always judging others and being judged ourselves.